Is this Home?
Before you read this.
Watch this. And listen.
It seems over the years of my life God (or some would say the Universe) have asked me to leave the home I love. Every time I settle in a house, I find comfort, warmth and joy, I am asked to move on, pack up, give away items, wave goodbye to friends and family and depart.
The first time was the hardest time. It was when my parents split up. The home, my childhood home that I had lived in all my life, suddenly became split…it was only half my home. Then came a new home. It was colder, and…different. My mom tried to make it home, and in some ways it was, but it was never my first home. It was never the same.
The second time came when I left Kenya. That one hurt even more. And in some ways, my heart is still there in Kenya, a place I think about all the time. When I left and had to say goodbye to my family and friends it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When I came to America I was very lonely and depressed. We arrived in the heart of winter. I could not see the sun. A big part of me just wanted to run, just run and go back home.
When I became a citizen I described myself as the mouse from An American Tail (you remember that old 90’s movie?) Packing up all your belongings and moving to a big foreign land is scary for everyone not just for a mouse. And sometimes you do feel like that little mouse tossed into a big, scary world of new things.
But I learned to adapt. And I met new friends and I fell in love. And the next thing I knew I was moving more easily. From one dorm to the other dorm…quick temporary homes. Short term roofs over my head. It wasn’t all that bad. I could deal…
When Rob and I moved in with each other I finally got a new sense of home.
It was the first chance for it to be MY home, OUR home. A place that we could feel relaxed, put up pictures, invite friends over for dinner. When we first moved in we lived with other people but then we moved again to a beautiful three bedroom house with a deck and a backyard and a driveway. It was perfect, everything we could want in a starter home. We started renting straight away.
Then last month Rob lost his job. The bills were hitting us over the head and we realized we just couldn’t take it anymore.
We are moving out at the end of July. Once again I will be thrust from my home.
Did I get too comfortable? What am I supposed to learn?
With our plans up in the air we will just ride the tide and see where the sea takes us.
And I have come to the conclusion that everyone has a different view on home. My father for example doesn’t really care where he lives, he never has. He is more concerned in living.
A song he used to listen to a lot when I was young was “Wherever I Lay My Hat, That’s My Home.”
He has said that these houses he stays in mean nothing to him and now he is a truck driver. His new home is the road.
My friend Kelly is traveling through Asia, Australia, America and more and has no home right now. The world is her new home.
So maybe I need to live without holding onto these walls.
Maybe I need to let go and ride this wave, see where God takes me. I need to remember that really all I need is love from my boo, my friends and my family.
Wherever I lay my hat…will be my new home.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao-tzu