You Can’t Always Get What You Want

The Stones knew what they were talking about.

“You can’t always get what you want…but if you try sometimes, well you just might find you get what you need.”

For the longest time I thought I was someone who knew what I wanted, knew what I needed, and did not take no for an answer. Like a bulldozer I would forge ahead. If I tripped and fell I would pick myself up and keep going.

Warrior pose, as they would say in yoga.

But I wasn’t really a warrior.

This past few months have been hard. I have had to really face that warrior in the mirror. Ask her about her armor.

It turns out that I had just been doing it all wrong. I had been holding on so tight that I forgot what it feels like to let go.

And so- like I have heard the saying goes: I am letting it out to the Universe.

“Letting what out?” You may ask.

Oh, what a loaded question you saucy minx (I just like saying saucy minx really).

Well for one- Rob and I have had to reschedule our wedding date. Take a rain date if you will. Our current circumstances just wouldn’t have allowed for it. It was the logical thing to do.

I don’t like logical.

It wasn’t something I wanted. But maybe it will be something I need.

Secondly, I have been working on this children’s book. My adviser wants me to re-write it, change the characters, convert it from poetry to prose. He wants me to push and push until the story is “perfect” and the characters are “complete.”

It wasn’t something I wanted. But maybe it will be something I need.

Thirdly, we have moved in with the future in-laws. Poor grandma is driving me bonkers. She is 91 years old but don’t you worry she can take care of herself. Woman cooks us 7 course meals every day. She sweeps, cleans, gardens, drives, pays the bills, sleeps about 2 hours a night and is still rearing to go the next day. Don’t know how she does it. Living with her has its ups and also it’s downs.

It’s not something I want. But maybe it will be something I need.

And slowly I am feeling my armor come down. Because maybe I think I know what I want, but maybe what I want is not what I need.

So I am going to let the universe guide me. I am going to close my eyes and see where I land.

And no matter what the future holds I know one thing- it’s sure going to be one great ride.

Hold on...

Letting GO

Wow- it feels good to let go!

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